On my way to the office today, passing along the bridge of Paka, I recalled the accident that happened yesterday... The accident happened right on the middle of the bridge and caused a massive jam... I didn't witness how it went but I was caught in the jam and I did saw a couple of wrecked motorcycles and my wife saw a body being covered... I guess that one of the motorcyclist died out of it...

Then it struck me... It could be me lying on the road, covered with newspapers... Bleeding... Injured... Dead...

I praised and thanked Allah for not taking my life yet until today... but I'm not sure what will happen tomorrow and the next day and the next next day... I wished with all my heart that He won't make it soon enough and I would still have to time to at least grow old... 

My thought shifted to remembering the faces of people I knew and had died... 

The first person came to mind was Pak Kaya - wifey's uncle... I met him just last year at my wedding and then we got more acquainted as I visited his house at Putrajaya a few times... The last time we sat together and chatted was during a wedding reception at Penang... He was ill at that time and the same illness brought him to death's door recently... 

I recited Al-Fatihah to him and hoped that he'll be placed with those who were pious...

Before I could finish the recital, my thoughts have gone to recalling my grandmother - Dad's side... I could remember her face clearly however I failed to recall the sound of her voice... I recognized her as a caring person who always always always generous with advice... Though, as a child, I couldn't comprehend her kindness and thought of her acts as nuisance... I felt bad for that... I wished I was matured enough to realize how loving she was... 

Another Al-Fatihah...

My grandfather - Dad's side - didn't spend much time with me... Not because he's not as kind but he spent most of his time in bed... He was really old... Every time we met, he always tried to hug me and hold my hand... But but but but... I was really young and seeing him all weak and bedridden made me afraid of him... Stupid me... He went before my grandmother after a few years spending his time being bedridden... Now I'm sad for him...

My parents seldom talk about him and express how they wish that they won't have to suffer the same condition because they don't want to burden me and my brothers... I wish that they didn't say that because no matter how bad the condition is, of course we would be willing to take care of them... May God grant them best of health until they pass away...

Amin

My grandmother of my mommy's side is still well and alive but grandfather had passed... Hmm... He was a kind and gentle man... I think he's a lot like me... Soft spoken and a man of few words and loving... I remembered the time when I sat on his lap while we hanged out on the stairs of his house... That piece of memory made me smile

One particular customer came to mind... A drug addict and a good friend of dad's... Abah often advised him to abandon his bad habits and think of his wife and kids but the addiction was hard to beat... He used to always come to our grocery shop when he needed food but got no money... After his death, Abah erased all of his debt and said to me, "Kita halalkan la semua hutang dia..." 

No matter how much the debt is, Abah always 'halalkan' after the person passed away... 

I realized that I haven't suffer much permanent and damaging separation as much as some people... I still have my parents and my wife and my siblings and my close friends... Though I also realized that time is ticking and the sand of hourglasses would run out sooner or later... I just hoped that when the time comes, I'll be strong and be able to manage their funerals personally... 

Maybe I would be the one who go first...

How ever it is, I hoped to be remembered nicely and be given lots of doa and Al-Fatihahs... That would be nice... 

On a related note, once, my wife told me how she thought about death for quite a period... I told her that my ustaz said that those who think of death often may be granted with a long life... She countered me with an eye opener - "Kalau hidup seribu tahun sekalipun, kalau tak beribadat, tiada gunanya..."

I love you honey