I watched this movie with my girl last week... and it was really funny! 

Jackie Chan sure sucked big time in The Spy Next Door, but in this movie, he was quite awesome... I guess he should always take roles in this kind of movies because his Hollywood movies were not that successful... I wonder how the coming Karate Kid will turn out to be...

Anyway, looking at the trailer of Karate Kid, I think they should change the tittle of the movie... Because the movie is obviously about Kung Fu and not karate... They should have named it Kung Fu Kid... but Karate Kid sounds better right?

:-D

Well, as a school boy, for me, the MAIN function of a computer was to play games... I remember lying to my parents about going to school for extra classes but instead of going through the school gates, I walked to the nearest CC and committed virtual mass murder through the game of Counter Strike and Half Life... While my friends were more eager in watching porn, laughing as loud as they could whenever the porn actresses made lustful yet ridiculous sound of orgasm, I would rather kill some terrorists or weird looking aliens and robots with some bad-ass guns... 

I went to the CC so often, sometimes I would be the one closing it... Shutting down all of the computers and speakers, arranging back all the seats, turning off the fans and lights and finally, locking all doors... Yeah, I did those things whenever the CC owner seemed to be preoccupied with other businesses... Not to mention, during weekends, I would be the first customer... I usually arrived earlier than the CC owner...

The other thing that I enjoyed doing with a computer was entering the chat room... Once, I used westlife_boy as username... but I stopped using it after I got bashed up by some guy...

"U r using westlife_boy as username? How sick is that?! Hahahaha!!! U must be gay"

"No... I'm not gay..."

"Yes u r motherfucker!! A gay motherfucker!! HAHAHAHA!!"

"Damn you!"

"Is that the best u can do?? U really r gay!! Go suck someone's dick and cry to mama!!"

*westlife_boy has left the chat room*

I was really young and the boys from Westlife had really cool hair! Furthermore, their songs were really good to hear for a boy with a high level of libido and 'jiwang'ness... It's natural for a boy to go through that kind of phase in his life!

There were once I almost got into a fight with one of the regular customers... That guy loved to chat and flirt with girls in the chat room, so I decided to play a prank on him because I was kinda bored... I used up a female username, angelia_cute and then chat with him...

"Hi Angelia. ASL?"

"15. F. Selangor. U?"

"16. M. Tereganu. U ngah watpe?"

"Baru bangun tido... Tak mandi lagi... :-)"

"U ngah pakai baju apa?"

"Baju tido la..."

"Mesti seksi... :-D"

"Takde la..."

"U pernah melancap??"

"Apa tu?"

"Mari saya ajar..."

"Hmm... okey..."

"Mula-mula, bukak spender u..."

and then, he gave up the complete steps on how to masturbate using fingers... and he was really detailed on the instructions... I showed it to the CC owner and some other regular customers that I knew... They were laughing their head off while the guy continued to give more details on how to play with urself... One of the customers was dumb enough to inform the guy about what was really happening and the true identity of 'angelia'... Which was me... and he got up, checked my computer, grabbed me by the collar, and tried to punched me on the face... "Kau ingat kelakar ke hah?!!" Luckily, the CC owner stopped him... 

From that moment on, I never want to try to chat or text with a stranger anymore... because, who knows, the stranger might be your friend, trying to set a prank on u... Like what I did to that guy... :-D

I know most of you pee in the water while having fun, swimming in the river... If you're nasty enough, you would pee upstream so that the people downstream will all have a taste of your urine... Damn, you're disgusting! However, dont ever ever pee in the Amazon River (if you have the chance to go there)... Why? Because of this little fella...

Candiru, also known as the toothpick fish, is pretty nasty... Candiru swims into a larger fish and eat it from the inside... It enters the larger fish's body by going through it's gills and then resides in the body while eating its flesh... and the umbrella shaped body makes Candiru impossible to be removed... So, never pee in the Amazon River because it is feared that the opening of the urethra when you urinate will give the candiru an opening to enter your body... Once it enters your private parts, one of the ways to remove it is surgery... 

Urghh... and that would be extremely painful... If you think that the most wicked fish of the Amazon is the piranha, think again... At least the piranha will just finish you off... The candiru will torment you alive...

Two weeks ago, I was wondering how did my sleeve button break into two pieces... I thought that maybe my index finger and thumb got stronger for all the writing on the blackboards using chalks in school that I did not notice I accidentally broke the button into two while buttoning my sleeve... But today I realized that the button broke because I always pound the blackboard with my hand to get the students' attention... Everytime I do that, the students will be quiet and focus on my lesson but only for a while... After 10 minutes, they go berserk again...


Sometimes I wonder, will my hand get mutated for all of the direct exposure to chalk? because I will always got chalk stains on my right hand after every lesson (I got stains on my tie, pants and face also)...

Imagine this, you're writing some notes on the blackboard... Suddenly, a boy gets up and makes a lot of noise and it annoys you... You clenches your fist so hard until the chalk you're holding crumbles into small pieces... You throw those small pieces of chalk to that boy and the chalks fly at bullet speed... Plashh!! Blood splatters all over the classroom... You're shock... What just happened? When you look at your right arm, you realize that it's not normal anymore... it has dragon scales!!! Cool huh? Tomorrow's NST headline = MASSACRE!! 35 Students Were Cruelly Slayed... Teacher Responsible For Tragedy is Currently Missing... Any Info, Please Contact.......

The first few times I saw her, I felt like being in slow motion scenes of a movie where you can almost see birds flying slowly from behind her and the camera is focused to only her that even the background got a little bit blurry... And I thought to myself, she has the cutest smile ever... 

We often exchange stares and glances but at that time I didnt have the courage to just go to her and say "Hi" (though we always text each other)... Once, in a library in UiTM Lendu, I was using one of the computers (to read online manga) when I suddenly saw her pacing around the newspaper section before sitting down at a table alone... I threw her a thousand glances for almost an hour while thinking how should I greet her... Should I just go there and sit at her table? or should I ask for her permission first before sitting? What kind of tone should I use? She really melted my heart with the way she brushed her straight, shiny front hair when it covered her eyes everytime  she lowered her head to focus on her reading... and her big eyes... Damn, I could just stare at her for days... After I finished reading the online manga, I got up and walked straight to her... Fahmi, just go there and say "Hi", I said to myself... But after a few steps, I turned right and went straight to the exit... 

The first time we faced each other and talked was during the last day of my Pre-TESL... and now we're together for almost 2 years...

For those who have watched Percy Jackson and The Lightning Thief, do you remember the scene when Percy had to fight a hydra in order to get one of the three green pearls? He cut off the Hydra's necks but then the heads grew back and double up...

In Greek mythology, the Hydra was a water beast possessing 9 heads... Yeah, it could regenerate the parts of its body... It was killed by Heracles using a firebrand... The wounds caused by the firebrand (a piece of burning wood - according to an online dictionary) were severely burnt so the Hydra couldn't regenerate and died... You can read more about the Hydra here...

I hate it when I dreamed of something really cool but as I woke up, I couldn't remember what the dream was all about... Somehow I knew it's an awesome dream because I have little chunks of it inside my head but I just couldn't get the bigger picture... 

Yeah, I had a great dream last night but I cannot tell you about it because I forgot what it's about... Bummer...

I think among all of the dreams that I can remember of, the coolest was the dream of me becoming a Kamen Rider... Wearing a tight Kamen Rider suit and the cool helmet, I rode on an awesome scrambler, making stunts and all... and lastly I punched a truck with my bare fist and the truck just role off the road, crashed into a building and explode... Cool... Damn cool... I had the dream after watching the movie, "Kamen Rider the First"... :-D

The second coolest was the dream of me, being able to fly (or float in mid air)... It was like being in a zero gravity environment... It was so cool that I wished that I would wake up a bit later... Just imagine yourself being able to fly freely without wings or jet packs... It's a bird! It's a plane! It's some weird guy flying!! Throw rocks at him!!

I hate nightmares... So far, I've had two worst nightmares and those two left me sweating like hell... The first one was the worst where I dreamed of killing my own brother for being deceived by a wicked ghost... Quite nasty...


So, any dreams you wanna share?

Check this out... While singing his first single, "Whataya Want From Me", at Monday's Z100 concert, Adam Lambert stopped and told one of the audience to get off the phone... 

"Can you get off your phone?"
"You're not watching tv honey... it's a live show..."

Yeah, it is kinda rude to be talking on your phone so loudly that it interrupts/annoys other people... Some people just dont get it... I hate it when I'm enjoying a movie, then suddenly, I heard a loud ringtone be played and a guy picks up the call and talk really loudly in the cinema hall... it ruins the mood...

Check out this one too!!

Damnit... It's Wednesday already? Time sure is moving fast when u're not that stressed out... By the way, it's a week off from school and I'm still in Melaka, refusing to go home because I dont want to spend the week looking after my father's grocery shop... Yeah, I miss my family and I really want to meet my new niece but it's a holiday and I just want to relax myself before attending school again... 

Happy Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day for those who celebrated them... On Chinese New Year's eve, the town of Melaka was made alive by the explosions of colourful fireworks... The roads were jammed and the malls were filled with people, even when there were many shops closed...

Watched 3 movies...

The GSC cinema in Dataran Pahlawan was crowded, so Alvin and I decided to watch this movie in the  new cinema (LFS Cinema) in Mahkota Parade... The cinema was not bad... This movie reminded me of the time when I was a kid where I used to watch the Disney animation "Hercules" again and again until the video tape was broken... This movie was also rather okey but could've been made better... The story line was a little bit childish (though it is understandable since it is an adaptation of a novel for children...) but the action scenes were cool...

3 movies but still unsatisfied... Any suggestion of a really really entertaining movie? A movie that you would rate 4 or more out of 5?

The vampire squid (also known as the vampire squid from hell... Cool name huh?) is one of the most unique deep sea creatures in the world... It doesn't suck blood or anything but the name may came from its appearance which is rather freaky and scary looking... Apparently, it has the largest eyes in the animal kingdom where the diameter of the one eye is 2.5 cm (1 inch)... its arms (or tentacles) can regenerate if damaged or lost for being beaten by predators... The total length of this guy is 30 cm (1 ft), so dont worry, it wont be a threat to humans... but swimming with a nasty looking guy like this will surely give you the creeps... :-P

Read more about it here...

As you are reading this post, a volcano might be erupting at the bottom of the sea... or a planet might be forming in outer space... or a person living at the other side of the earth is reading this same post, at same pace as you are, reading the same words as you reading right now... What are the odds huh? But it could possibly be happening...

I sometimes wish that I know all that are happening in the whole universe... I wanna know what's living in the deepest depths of the ocean... The deepest location in the earth's crust is in the Mariana Trench, the deepest underwater trench in the world... It's depth is far greater in number than the height of Mount Everest... Who knows what might be in there...

I want to know what is happening in space... I want to see the live Butterfly Nebula and a real live galaxy... I want to know what will happen if I got sucked into a black hole... will I really end up in a different dimension where everything is totally the opposite of our world? I'm curious to know...

So I cannot be greedy... Even though I long for the knowledge of the whole universe, as a man, I have my limitations...and I need to be thankful of what I have...

I was walking along the road between the Stadium Kubu and Bangunan Wisma, on my way to campus to see my girl, when suddenly, a car pulled over... Well, I didn't think that they would kidnap me or something, but I must stay cautious, so I came up with a counter plan in my head just in case the two guys in the car suddenly grab me by the wrist and drag me into the car before speeding off to somewhere dark... It doesnt hurt to be cautious right? It could guarantee your own safety...

"Ermm... Tumpang tanya... Nak pergi Hotel Equatorial macammana?", asked one of the guys...

"Hotel EQ? Hmm... Pergi terus, bila sampai depan gereja depan tu, masuk kiri... Lepas tu, masuk kiri lagi tapi ikut lane kanan... Bila dah lepas Shell kat sana, masuk kanan... Lepas tu straight je... (Dah malas nak guide... Pandai-pandai korang la...)"

"Alamak, complicated la... tak ingat... hehe..."

"Urmm... Abang tahu tak Dataran Pahlawan? atau Mahkota Parade?"

"Tak tahu la... Baru sampai Melaka ni..."

"Owh... Abang ikut je direction yang saya bagi tadi..."

"Hmm... Okey la camtu... Kami cari sendiri la... Haha..."

"Okey..."

I continued my walk to campus... But after a few steps, the guy in the car suddenly said something rather uncomfortable for a straight guy to hear...

"Awak, awak ni cute la! Nak naik kereta kitorang tak?"

I walked faster... Luckily it was a one way road and I was heading the opposite way, so they could not follow me... 

The conclusion is; the road between Stadium Kubu and Bangunan Wisma is dangerous... Dont take the road if you're walking alone... 

and yes, I took it as a compliment...

Walking home alone from my girl's, my mind wandered to another galaxy... As I was passing along the road between the Kubu Stadium and Bangunan Wisma, my mind have ventured through the Butterfly Nebula... But my wonderful daydream (even though this actually happened at night) was interrupted by a motorist... I heard a slow rumbling sound of a motorcycle and I knew by the sound, the motorcyclist was going to stop just beside me... I'm not a strong guy physically, so I always remind myself that I must be aware of my surroundings whenever I sense trouble getting near so that I would be able to use anything available (such as rocks and sticks) for self-defense... Shit, there were no rocks or sticks near me... But, it's okey... From all of the movies I watched and the comics I read, I concluded that the most important element of winning a fight is; the element of surprise... Before the motorcyclist strikes, I should punch him straight to the nose first and then pull his helmet, drag him off his motorcycle and throw him into the drain... ... ... But, what if he's wearing a helmet with a visor? Damn...

"Hai dik..."

Before I could come up with another self-defense plan, the motorcyclist spoke to me... in a rather soft voice... Is he a transvestite? The worse possible thing that could ever happen; being raped by a transvestite... What could be worse than that...

"Dik, baru balik kerja ke? Hehehe..."

I was wearing jeans, slippers, and a worn out t-shirt... Baru balik kerja ke?? I walked faster but he followed me with his motorcycle... Owh, he was not wearing a visor, so I guessed I could just punch him in the face... 

"Dik, rumah kat mana?"

Hmm... finally, I could see some big rocks... Just imagine throwing big ass rocks to a possible transvestite... Priceless... It shall be a memory worth cherishing... baling batu kat tulang belakang dia... mesti menggeliat dia tahan sakit... but before I could bend over (which was possibly not the right thing to do as it could be sending the wrong signal), the motorcyclist went off... He sped off his motorcycle leaving me relieved...

that was not the first time some weirdo pulled over and hit on me... I guess I do look gay...

As I finished drawing a shoal of fish on the blackboard, a student approached me...

"Sir, you really like drawing huh?"

"Yup, I do..."

"Sir, why do you take the 'bidang English'? Why not you take the 'bidang seni'?"

"Hmmm... I'm not so sure... but I think it's because I like English..."

"Owh... Sir, you teach us 'pendidikan seni' la sir..."

"I'll think about it... Now do your work"

He told me so probably because I frequently draw on the blackboard when I'm explaining them something... For example, when I tried to explain about Patrick's location when he was spying on Lord Egham's house (The novel 'Potato People'), I drew the big oak tree, Patrick (a stick man since he was skinny) and Lord Egham's house on the blackboard... Besides grabbing the students' attention towards the lesson, these drawings enhance their understanding without me having to further elaborate on the texts...

Yeah, sometimes I do wonder, why instead of doing something like Art and Design, I am now stuck in school teaching kids about English vocabulary and grammar... When I filled up the UiTM's registration form, why didnt I choose Art and Design or Photography as one of the preferred courses? 

It was because my mom had told me that being an artist is a waste of time and drawing pictures of superheroes and monsters wont get you far... When I was a kid, she told me that there's no future in drawing... I think that's why I never included those courses as the ones that I prefer to take...

The other reason was because I was really confident with my English... being in a Felda area, I was the only one who could score A for English in every test or exam from Standard 1 until Form 5... When it came to English, I was the top student in my school... Even when I was in the Pahang Matriculation, I excelled finely in English (though I failed all other subjects...) So I was pretty sure that TESL would be a piece of cake... and I was dead wrong... After I've joined TESL, finally I found people who are more advanced in English than me... and TESL is totally not easy... It's as hard as hell...

But I never regretted taking TESL... I've met so many great people while doing this course and gained so many experiences and memories that I will keep and cherish forever...

and I never blamed my mom for all of the decisions I made...

Yosh!!

Let's just get through this hell together ya teachers!! 

:-D

"Sir, can I ask you something?"

"Okey..."

"Please don't be mad at me..."

"Why? What is it?"

"Urmm... What kind of people are you?"

"Hmm?"

"I mean, are you Melayu?"

"Yeah, I'm a Malay..."

"Really? Why are you not the same like other orang Melayu?"

"What do you mean?"

"You look like that Orang Asli... you know... Ah! Please dont be mad..."

"Orang Asli huh? HAHAHAHA"

"Yes, and you also look like the workers from my father's factory..."

"You mean the Indonesian workers?"

"Yeah! Hehehe..."

"HAHAHAHA..."

"Are you angry sir?"

"No, not at all... Haha... Thanks for those honest remarks..."

How can I be angry when she said it so innocently with big blinking eyes while doing the exercises I gave to the whole class yesterday... Nahh, for some reasons, I didnt feel offended at all... Nope... Not at all... ... Okey, maybe a little bit offended, but I know she meant nothing bad... 

Though I do get good remarks sometimes... One boy came to me and said, "Cikgu! You are so handsome... The handsomest in this school!" It was so flattering, I didn't even mind the fact that he is a boy... Hmm... When I think about it, those who told me that I'm handsome are all boys... Owh, well... those are compliments and I just took them...

:-P

"Okey, there are 3 types of pollution right?? Air pollution, water pollution and sound pollution... So, what cause them?"

"Sir! Sir! Can you come here for a while..."

"What is it?"

"I want to ask... What about sex pollution??"

"Hah?!! Sex pollution? What is that?"

"You know, today we can get sex so easy by surfing the Internet... So is that pollution?"

"How do you know this? You always do that huh?"

"No la sir... I was just asking... haha..."

"You always do that right?"

"No sir... sorry sorry... I was just joking... sorry sir... hehe..."

"It's inappropriate to use the word sex in school... I can send you to Mr Alex for that..."

"Owh no!! Sorry sir... So sorry..."

Polluted minds...

Owh, by the way, Mr Alex is the fearsome disciplinary teacher...