All I can think about now are curses... Fuck, Damn, MotherFucker, Asshole... All curses... (Pardon me for the foul words)...

A few years ago, I slapped my younger brother in the face for saying a single "Fuck"... He picked it up on movies... I never utter a single foul word until I got into Lendu... gradually, those words manifested inside my brain and now they have become a part of my thinking...

Every time I ran into trouble, I say Damn... Every time I see something unusual, I say Fuck... Every time I see extremely cute girls, I say Damn... What has happened to me...?

I blamed my environment... Before entering Lendu, I was the most innocent guy any Lenduer ever met... but now I've blended in... I'm uttering all those foul words with ease... no more worrying about Mommy slapping me to the ground or rubbing my lips with chili...

I guess cursing could be considered as a cool thing especially for a youth like me... I see all the movies where the heroes curse their enemies while gunning them to the ground... Fuck you monsters!! Die!! Die!! Damn cool...

Sigh...

How life can be so fucking ironic... When u strive so hard to keep something from slipping through your hands, others seem to be able to take it away from you with ease... Fuck life for that... Shit happens huh?


Luckily for me, I still remember how to say the Shahadah... there are some times where I'm so afraid of forgetting the name of Allah, I could not even sleep... with all of the foul words jumbled up in a pile inside, there is still a place where Allah's name is written on the wall of my brain... Thank God for that...

Allah, show me the way... Please...